Ayukazi's Birthday Storyyy
by VeeandreaHart
Summary: This is just a story for Ayukazi With Kitty's birthday. It's not done yet. Ana and her friends are celebrating her birthday when the Akatsuki appear and kidnap them, forcing the four to help them. Lame-ish summary, but...yeah... Rated T for Hidan! Pairings: Itachi/OC Itachi/Ana
1. Chapter 1

**NOM NOM NOM! IMMA ZOMBIE SENT TO EARTH TO MANIFEST IN YOUR BRAINS AND TAKE OVER THE HUMAN RACE! Be afraid. Be very afraid.**

**This is a story for Ayukazi With Kitty for her birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And you two, random readers.**

**So, just a warning. I'm making this a slight crossover with Harry Potter for some reason, but it won't be labeled as such. We all know that crossovers don't get much attention.**

**Disclaimer: I own naught Naruto or Ana.**

*Ana's P.O.V.*

I was walking down the street with my two favorite gingers of all time: Fred and George…and Ginny too. So let me rephrase that: I was walking down the street with my three favorite gingers of all time. It was my birthday, and they had told me that they had a surprise for me. I couldn't wait to see it.

"Is it a unicorn?" I asked, excitedly.

"No~" Fred drew out the word. I sighed.

"Just tell me!~" I begged.

"Nope," Ginny sang.

I growled under my breath. "It's just around this corner though," George told me. I smiled and raced around said corner only to scream. "YOU GUYS! YOU GOT ME COSPLAYERS!" I asked, both excited and furious that they hadn't told me and I couldn't worn my Might Guy outfit! How youthful that shade of green looks on me!

"WHAT?" I heard the three of them shout, but I ignored them and went to poke Hidan. "What the fuck are you doing, bitch?"

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING HEATHEN!" I yelled at him as I continued poking him. "Hidan…"

"How do you know my name, bitch?" he demanded. I ignored him, sticking out my tongue and going over to Tobi.

"Tobi…is a _bad_ boy," I told him smugly. The nine around me gasped in unison—which was both funny and scary. Tobi began crying in the emo corner causing me to laugh. "WHERE'S 'TACHI?" I asked loudly.

"Uh…Ana…" Fred said from behind me.

I turned to face him. "Huh? What?"

"We didn't get these cosplayers," George said.

"LIES! You said it was right around the corner!"

"We were talking about the cake!" Ginny cried, finding the cake and bringing it over.

I snorted. "Yeah, you got me that cake, and these are the actual characters from Naruto," I giggled.

The ten behind me all stopped talking and "Pein" walked over to me. "How do you know of the nine tales jinchuuriki?" he demanded.

"Um…same as you guys, I watch the show," I rolled my eyes. "Ginny! You have cake? I want cake! Gimme! Wait, no…I want ice cream pie!"

Tobi tentatively walked over to me. "T-Tobi wants ice cream pie…" he said.

"Shut up, Madara," I growled. The crowd yet again looked at me, astonished. "Stop looking at me! Tobi is a bad boy, get over it!"

"What do you mean 'you watch the show'?" Pein asked. "And how do you know Madara's true identity?"

I groaned. "I just want some ice cream pie…I watch the show! You know, Naruto? Characters of whom you are dressing as…? Ring a bell?"

They stared at me with blank stares. "Jashin, Fred, what kind of stupid cosplayers did you get? Granted they look realistic, but…"

Fred opened his mouth to reply, but fell to the ground, unconscious. Hidan stood behind him, smirking. "What the fuck?" I demanded, looking at my dead friend.

"Fre-" George started, but also fell unconscious because of Tobi—what a wuss. Like really George? Don't you have magic? How could you lose to a Tobi?

I looked around and saw Ginny—who was also unconscious—lying at Sasori's feet. "What the he-" I felt a pressure and everything went black…

*Akatsuki P.O.V.*

"Tobi, no, un! Don't push that-" Deidara began, but it was too late. Tobi had already pressed the button labeled "Do Not Push Under Any Circumstances: Doing So could result in the loss of limbs or transportation to another dimension.

And he'll be damned if Deidara was going to lose his arms. _Again_.

The entire Akatsuki felt as though they were falling through oblivion, landing with a thud on a solid surface. "Does everyone have their limbs?" Pein asked the group, standing up, inspecting himself.

Everyone else followed suit, except for Tobi who fell when trying to stand. "OH, NO! TOBI LOST ONE OF TOBI'S LEGS! Senpai! COME HELP TOBI!"

"Tobi, stand up," Pein commanded. Tobi complied, giggling nervously.

"Tobi is sorry. Tobi thought Tobi lost his leg!"

Pein decided to ignore him. "Does anyone have any idea where we are?"

"I don't fucking know," Hidan shouted from a corner. "BUT THERE'S FUCKING CAKE! SO I SAY WE STAY!"

Pein ignored him, and continued. "Does anyone know how we got here?"

"Tobi," Deidara growled. "Pushed that button."

Pein nodded as Tobi defended himself. "Tobi thought that it says 'ONLY TOBI'S PUSH BECAUSE Tobi IS A GOOD BOY!"

"Well, it didn't, un," Deidara growled.

"well, while we're here we'll need to find a place to stay," Pein said. Just then a group of voices were heading their way. What they were saying? The Akatsuki couldn't quite catch, but they did see four people turn the corner. Two girls and two boys.

The Akatsuki looked to Pein, who nodded. "YOU GUYS GOT ME COSPLAYERS?" one of the girls asked.

_What is this girl talking about? _Is what was running through the minds of the Akatsuki members—with more of less swears on Hidan's part.

The girl walked over to Hidan and began poking him. "What the fuck are you doing?" Hidan demanded.

''SHUT UP YOU FUCKING HEATHEN!" she yelled, going over to Tobi and telling him that he was a bad boy, making him cry.

"Uh…Ana…" one of the others said from behind the girl who began yelling about Itachi.

The girl—named Ana—turned to face him. "Huh? What?"

"We didn't get these cosplayers," said the other male who looked just like the one that had previously spoken.

"LIES! You said it was right around the corner!" she shouted.

"We were talking about the cake!" the other girl cried, finding the cake and bringing it over.

Ana snorted. "Yeah, you got me that cake, and these are the actual characters from Naruto," she giggled. The members of the Akatsuki froze. _How does she know…?_

They all looked to Pein to get the answers. Being the leader, he approached the group, addressing Ana. "How do you know of the nine tails jinchuuriki?" he asked.

"uh…same as you guys," she told him. _What? She's after the bijuu too? _"I watch the show."

Then she started talking about cake and ice cream pie. Pein began getting mad. She then yelled at Tobi, addressing him by his real name.

"What do you mean show?" he demanded. "And how do you know Madara's true identity?"

"I watch the show! You know, Naruto? Characters of whom you are dressing as…? Ring a bell?" she said. They all stared at the girl with long black hair blankly. "Jashin, Fred, what kind of stupid cosplayers did you get!"

Pein took the distraction and nodded towards Hidan, Tobi, and Sasori. They nodded back walking behind each of the three redheads, knocking them out. Then he motioned towards Itachi to knock out the Ana girl.

Once all four of them were unconscious, Pein spoke. "Search this Ana girl," he told Itachi. "See if you can find an address."

Itachi nodded silently, searching through the girl's pockets. A little while later, he pulled a wallet out from her pockets.

Kakuzu took the wallet out of Itachi's hands, taking the money out and putting it in one of his cloak's pockets. Itachi scowled, grabbing it back. "I found an ID," he said, handing it to Pein.

He nodded his approval, saying, "Good, carry them to this place. We'll interrogate them when they wake up."

**Nyang nyang! What's going to happen? Will they wake up? Probably. Will they freak out? It's possible. Will there be an unexpected plot twist? I don't think so…**

**Could you please review? Wish Ayukazi a happy birthday, dammit!**

**Lalala, Happy birthday again! Jovial spirits!**

**Loves and hugs,**

**Vee**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sooo, this is the second chapter of Ayu's birthday storyyyy. I hopes you dost like it! Nom nom nom.**

**Disclaimer: I own naught Naruto nor Ana but I do own Kalika who randomly take the place of the three Weasleys who disappear. Oh, I don't own the Weasleys either.**

I woke up and tried to stretch, only to find that my arms were tied down. _Aw, man, don't tell me I partied so hard, they brought me back to the Asylum!? _And do you know what's worse? I was in the most uncomfortable chair…EVER! My butt hurts so bad, man!

I looked around, trying to ignore my sore butt, and found myself in my living room, huh? What do you know; I'm not in the asylum after all! And, look, there's Kika, tied right there! _Wait! What? She wasn't even at the party! And where are my special gingers?!_

I looked over into the connected dining room and began screaming bloody murder. "YOU PUT THAT DOWN, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! IF YOU BLOW THAT UP I'LL KILL YOU! I-"

I would've said more to Deidara, who had looked like he was going to blow up my Itachi plushy, but found my mouth was being covered by a hand. A weaselly hand.

So I did what any normal fangirl would have done, I licked it. I looked up, and saw Itachi standing behind me, and I would've had a major fangirl moment if his hand wasn't blocking my mouth. So I did the fangirl thing in my head. It works.

I started moving my jaws and making mumbling noises to make him think I was trying to talk. It worked and he pulled his hand away. "Deidara, if you blow up my Itachi plushy, I'll rip you limb from limb, rip out your innards, feed you to Zetsu, and then kill you," I growled.

"No! You will not touch my Dei-kun!" I looked over to see that Kalika was awake, and struggling against the rope.

"Kalika, you're not going to get out of that rope," I told her. "You're only going to give yourself rope burn."

"Shhh," she turned to me. "Don't tell them my name! What if they were creepy rapist stalkers?!"

"Then they probably would've already done bad things," I said, going back to glaring at Deidara."Put my weasel down, now."

Deidara dropped it and walked into the kitchen. I heard some mumbled voices, but couldn't make out what they were saying. I looked back up. "Hey, Itachi? Are you Itachi? Itachi?! Itachi!?

He was looking at me. "Hn."

I started to giggle, but stopped when a group of people walked out of my kitchen. _Oh my Jashin, leader-sama was in my kitchen!_

He walked over to the two of us. "How do you know so much about us?" he demanded.

I smiled, opening my mouth to talk, but somebody cut me off… "You're my favorite characters of the bestest show EVER!" Kalika announced.

"Whose house is this?" Pein asked.

"Mine," I told them, glaring in Kalika's direction.

"Then…why was this girl lying on the couch eating this," he asked, holding up a Snowball. Oh yeah, Kalika loves her Snowballs. I can't stomach them with the marshmallow and the coconut, gross.

I looked at Kalika. "Yes, I would like to know as well."

Kalika looked sheepish. "Well, Fred asked me to come over because there was going to be a surprise, so I came over, but I got hungry so I took one of your Snowballs. But while I was eating it, these people came in carrying you, Fred, George, and Ginny's unconscious bodies. So, I pulled out a pineapple and began hitting them. And then I realized who I was hitting and passed out."

"What'd they do to you?" I demanded.

"Oh, no nothing! I was just hitting Deidara, and then I saw his mouth-hands and I had a fangirl moment."

"Mmhmm," I nodded, doubting what she said, but knowing her, if she says rainbows are falling from the sky…well…I don't know how to finish that sentence…

"So, you guys are the real Akatsuki, huh?" Kalika asked. Pein nodded in response. "I. don't. Believe. You!"

"What would make you believe me?" Pein asked.

"Pein, what does Naruto say when he talks to Nagato?" she asked. He looked at her confusedly. I understand what she's doing. Kalika's stating things from the future that any Narutard would know, but they wouldn't know. "Sasori, what puppets do Chiyo use to against you?" another blank stare.

"Well, I think that proves it," she sighed contently.

"Unless they're really bad cosplayers," I suggested.

"Oh, can we cosplay too?" she asked Pein.

"What the fuck is cosplaying, bitch?" if you don't know who said that…it was Hidan.

"Untie meh!" she demanded. "And maybe I'll fucking show you!"

Pein nodded towards Itachi and Deidara, who both walked over to us and untied us. Kalika shot up and ran upstairs.

I stood up slowly, stretching my back. "I hope she doesn't do something stupid," I spoke to myself. "I am so not driving her to the hospital if she tries to fly again…"

I heard the thumping of her footstep, then a loud crack and a final thump. My eyes widened, but then Kalika said, "Owie," and I shook my head slowly.

"Did your ankle just snap?" I asked her.

"Yeah…"

"And you fell on your tosh?"

"Mmhmm," she said.

"Can somebody go get her?"

"I'm fine," she called. "Just let me stretch my ankle a little, and I'll be fine."

I heard a few more cracks, and then Kalika came down, limping slightly. I giggled at her. She was dressed like Itachi, and since she is a make-up genius, she looks just like him.

She walked into the room, trying so hard to hide the grin that threatened to overcome her poise. "What the fuck bitch?" Hidan demanded.

"My weasel!" I shouted and glomped her.

"Hn."

I laughed and climbed off of her, helping her up. She walked over to Itachi and began a stare down.

Kalika looked rather intense as she stared at Itachi while said weasel just looked at her. "Who are you, you imposter?" she demanded, getting into his face. "State your name and business!"

"You can't be Itachi if you're going to act OOC," I told her.

"Well, I can't be serious like your boyfriend! Leave me alone!" and she ran back up the stairs, probably to change again so that we could have a normal conversation, but…knowing Kalika…

Well, she came down in a different outfit…but she came down looking like Might Guy. "Why?" I asked myself. "Why can't I have any normal friends?"

"Um…why the fuck are you wearing a green latex outfit?"

"Oh! OH!" I ran upstairs and changed into my Kakashi outfit. A few minutes later, I threw on my wig and raced downstairs with my copy of Icha Icha Paradise. I walked into the room calmly, and noticed that Kika was still standing there with here superhero pose, and Hidan was still asking her about her outfit.

"Why the fuck are you wearing that piece of green shit?"

"Hello, sorry I'm late," I said, walking into the room. "I got a little caught up."

"AH, KAKASHI! MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" she announced, doing a lunge with her fisted hand in front of her face as she stared up at the ceiling.

"What the fuck?"

Konan walked over to us. "Why are you two dressed as men?" she asked gently.

"BECAUSE IT IS SO YOUTHFUL!" Kalika announced.

"Well, to put it simply," I said. "We are currently cosplaying as characters from your word."

"AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SO YOUTHFUL! KAKASHI, MY ETERNAL RIVAL, I CHALENGE YOU!"

"Hmm? Not today, Guy, I've just gotten to the good part in Icha Icha."

Kalika let her head fall in despair. "Okay, I'm done with this shit," Kalika said, going back upstairs. "HEY, ANA! CAN I BORROW A PAIR OF SHORTS?"

"Sure!"

"CAN I BORROW A SHIRT TOO?!

"SURE!

"CAN I BORROW A BRA AS WELL?!"

"…Fine…"

"Hey, bitch, can I borrow a fucking bra too?"

I stared at Hidan in anger, and pulled a cup out of thin air and tossed it at him.

"Bitch, what the fuck?!"

I continuously threw random cups at him. "YOU. ARE. A. CREEP! KIKA!"

I heard the hurried thump of Kalika running down the stairs. I turned around. "…"

"What? You were yelling so I thought someone was raping you!"

"Go put a shirt on," I told her.

She started walking up the stairs. "Hey, if you were getting read, would you want me to take my time to put a shirt on or would you have me come down here as soon as possible?"

I lowered my head. "As soon as possible…"

"Yes, little sister. Yes. I thought so."

I glared at where she had just left. Five minutes later, she came back down, fully clothed. "Why does it take five minutes for you to put your shirt on?"

She shrugged. "So…you have the Akatsuki in your house…"

"Yeah, that's cool. I guess…"

"Can I stay over?"

"Yeah, I guess so…"

"Yes!" she exclaimed and ran over to Deidara. "Guess what?"

"What, un?"

"My little sister just told me that I could stay! I wanna play with your hand-mouths!"

"…"

I slapped her in the back of her head.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"Who is the older sister here?" I demanded, pulling out a cup.

"…Me…"

I shook my head. "Who is older by a year and two months?"

She looked down sadly. "You…"

"Exactly, so I am the older sister," I turned to the blond bomber. "You can ignore her if you want to."

"Ugh, just go bother Itachi!" Kalika interrupted me. I glared at her. "Enjoy him while you can because when he dies, he's gone!"

I started sniffling and walked over to the honorary emo corner, but stopped and turned around. "BITCH, DEIDARA AND HIDAN DIE TOO!"

Her bottom lip quivered. "I know!" she wailed, latching onto Tobi who happened to be right next to her.

"Tobi will comfort pretty girl!" Tobi announced. Stupid Tobi. I hate Tobi. Stupid. I hate him.

"I wuv Tobi!" Kalika said in her cutesy voice. I sweat dropped.

"Tobi wants to talk with both pretty girls," Tobi said, pulling Kalika and I into a different room by the wrists.

"So," Kalika began hopping up and down. "Are you Madara? Or Obito? Or…who the fuck are you?!"

"That is for me to know, and you to never find out," he replied in that deep voice of his. I swear to Jashin that Kalika almost passed out.

"Can I see? Under your mask?" she begged, grabbing the front of his cloak.

"No," he replied.

"I-I hate you," she growled, but hugged him anyway. That girl is just a living contradiction.

"You are a strange little girl," he said, pushing Kalika away from him. I saw Kalika pout and cross her arms over her chest.

"I AM NOT LITTLE!" she shouted, leaving the room. I sighed, shaking my head.

"It's mah birthday!" I cheered and danced into the living room. "And I got exactly what I wanted!"

"Bigger boobs?" Kalika asked, coming over to inspect my chest.

"No," I pushed her face away. "I GOT THE AKATSUKI!"

**Nya, that was a boring chapter…I'm so sorry! I have no ideas for this story! It's not mah fault! Anyways, reviews make me happy, flames are not much appreciated, but are accepted.**

**My Ayukazi's having a bad day! Review and tell her how much you love her! IF YOU DON'T TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER, I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN, RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, RIP OUT YOUR INNARDS, LET Zetsu EAT YOU, AND THEN I WOULD KILL YOU! So please be a nice person and tell her that you love her. :3**

**Loves and hugs, minions,**

**Vee **


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